I Have Learned

I have learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I have learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I have learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I have learned that learning to forgive takes practice. I have learned that these are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it.

I have learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I have learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I have learned that sometimes, the people you expected to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I have learned that sometimes when I am angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t mean that I have the right to be cruel.

I have learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes with true love.

I have learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I have learned that maturity has more to do with what type of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I have learned that you should not tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish, Few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I have learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but the people you aren’t related to can take care of you, and love you, and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they will going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I have learned that it isn’t enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I have learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I have learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I am forced to choose sides even when I don’t want to.

I have learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I have learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their action.

I have learned that we don’t have to change a friend if we understand that friends change.

I have learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It can change your life forever.

I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I have learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.

I have learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

Love In Various Perspectives

Message: If you love someone, set her free.
If she comes back, she is yours.
If she doesn’t, it was never meant to be.

The New Version…

PESSIMIST:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she ever comes back, she’s yours
If she doesn’t, as expected, she never was.

SHAKESPEARE:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she comes back, she’s yours.
If she doesn’t, here’s the potion, commit suicide for her.

OPTIMIST:

If you love some one set her free.
Don’t worry, she will come back.

SUSPICIOUS:

If you love someone, set her free.
Is she comes back, ask her why.

IMPATIENT:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she doesn’t comes back within some time, forget her.

PATIENT:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she doesn’t comes back,
Continue to wait until she comes back.

PLAYFUL:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
Set her free again.

ANIMAL-RIGHTS ACTIVIST:

If you love someone, set her free.
In fact, all living creature deserves to be free.

PHYSICIAN:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she comes back, it’s the law of gravity.
If she doesn’t, either there’s friction higher than the force,
or the angle of collision between two objects did not synchronize at the right angle.

BIOLOGIST:

If you love someone, set her free, she’ll evolve.

SCHWARZENEGGAR’S FANS:

If you love some one, set her free.
“SHE’LL BE BACK”

SALESMAN:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she ever comes back, deal.
If she doesn’t, so what? “NEXT”

INSURANCE AGENT:

If you love someone, show her the plan.
If she comes back, sign her up.
If she doesn’t, keep follow up with her and never give up.

MATHEMATICIAN:

If you love someone, set her free.
If she ever comes back… 1+ 1 = 2 (peanut)
If she dooesn’t…
Y = 2X – log (0.46Y^Z + (cos {52/34X}) x 5Y^ {0.5} c)
where c is the infinite constant of no turning point.

BEAUTY TIPS

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Audrey Hepburn

Love Messages

I’ve been waiting my whole life for you…
now my waiting is through…
you’re my dream come true.

Even if the sun refuse to shine…
even if romance ran out of rhyme…
you would still have heart until the end of time.
You’re all I need, my sweetheart, my love.

I love you three times a day.
And I did three things today…
miss you… miss you… and miss you.

I may grow old…
but my heart will not grow tired of loving you.

Though miles may lie between us,
we’re never far apart…
for love doesn’t count the miles…
it’s measured by the heart.

If you want to know “how much I miss you”
try to catch the raindrops.
The one you catches is “how you miss me.”
And the one you missed is “how much I miss you.”

I look at my back coz I thought I saw you.
I listened eagerly coz I thought I heard you.
But no special person is around.
This made me realize one thing,
I really miss you.

You might not always be there.
We might not get in touch that often.
And I know that sometimes I may look like I don’t care.
Don’t be deceived.
Just trust me.
I care for you.
And I always will.
I love you.

Knowing someone like you has made me happy in a hundred ways.
And if ever I have to let you go…
I would find a hundred reasons to make you stay.

Don’t let doubt lose the magic of love,
coz it’s not everyday that you meet the person who has the magic to let you fall in love.

Before, all I can do is to hide from you.
Coz I don’t know how to express my feeling for you.
But my heart have taught me how to say, “I Love You.”

There’s one thing in my life… I’m sure not to regret.
It’s the chance given to me by God… to know you and to Love you.

If you love a person… don’t let her go.
Instead, find ways to let her stay.

Don’t be too good…I might miss you.
Don’t be too caring…I might like you.
Don’t be too sweet…I might fall.
It’s hard for me to love you…
when you won’t love me at all.

I told you, “I like you.”
You smiled and said, “I don’t.”
I told you, “I care for you.”
You smiled and said, “I don’t.”
I told you, “I love you.”
You smiled and said, “I don’t.”
I told you, “I wasn’t kidding.”
You smiled and said, “I was.”

We are not too close in distance
We are not too near in miles
But emails can touch our heart
And thoughts can makes us smile.

It hurts to love someone
And not to be loved in return
But what is painfull is to love someone
And never find the courage
To let the person know how you feel.

Never say “Goodbye,” if you still want to try.
Never give up, if you feel you can still go on.
Never say you don’t love that someone anymore…
If you can’t let go.

If you love someone
And your someone love someone else
Still, be the same someone as before
‘Coz time will come when your someone
will realize that you are not just “someone”
instead… "you are the one.”

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone
An hour to like someone
And a day to love someone
But it really takes a lifetime
To really forget someone.

Someday, someone will hold you the way I do
Someday, someone will say she loves you, too
But you know, someday, somehow,
This very someone, will never love you the way
I love you.

Find arms that will hold you at your weakest
Eyes that will see you at your ugliest
A heart that will love you at your worst
Then, you have found, “True Love.”

Our Simple Manglish

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kews me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.

Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: Wat happen? Why like that...?

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me.

Malaysians: Celaka u

Comments of Law Enforcement

The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country:

• "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
• "You take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
• "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
• "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
• "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
• "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
• "Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
• "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
• "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."
• "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
• "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
• "Just how big were those two beers?"
• "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
• "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

• "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ... You're right, we don't. .... Sign here."

Inspiring Thoughts

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

Love...and you shall be loved.

God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.

All people smile in the same language.

A hug is a great gift... one size fits all.

It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved... especially when they do not deserve it.

The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity.

Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it.

It's important for parents to live the same things they teach.

Thank God for what you have, TRUST GOD for what you need.

If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.

Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks within.

The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow.

Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul.

If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.

Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.

The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each other.

Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts.

To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.

We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for.

Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.

Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others.

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.

Romance

Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss

• Kiss on the hand - I adore you
• Kiss on the cheek - I just want to be friends
• Kiss on the neck - I want you
• Kiss on the lips - I love you
• Kiss on the ears - I am just playing
• Kiss anywhere else - Lets not get carried away
• Look in your eyes - Kiss me
• Playing with your hair - I can't live without you
• Hand on your waist - I love you to much to let you go

Article 2: The Three Steps

• Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him.
• Guys If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.
• Guys & Girls Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.

Article 3: The Commandments

• Thou shall not squeeze too hard.
• Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one.
• Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.

Remember

A peach is a peach - A plum is a plum,

A kiss isn't a kiss - Without some tongue.

So open up your mouth close your eyes, and give your tongue some exercise!!!

A Few Reasons Why Guys Like Girls

• They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
• The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
• How cute they look when they sleep
• The ease in which they fit into our arms
• The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
• How cute they are when they eat
• The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
• Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
• The way they look good no matter what they wear
• The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
• How cute they are when they argue
• The way her hand always finds yours
• The way they smile
• The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
• The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
• The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
• The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"
• Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
• The way they fall into your arms when they cry
• Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
• The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
• Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!
• The way they say "I miss you"
• The way you miss them
• The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Arithmetics

ROMANCE ARITHMETIC

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

War Of The Sexes

Men Bashing

How do you get a man on the roof?
Tell him the beer's on the house.

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A. No mind.
B. No business.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites Attract.

Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.

Men-tal Anxiety. . . Men-opause. . . Men-tal Breakdown. . .
Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN?

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "Instruction Manual."

Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.


Men Strike Back

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right...
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

To My Dear Husband & Wife

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

• 54 times the sheets were clean
• 17 times it was too late
• 49 times you were too tired
• 20 times it was too hot
• 15 times you pretended to be sleep
• 22 times you had a headache
• 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
• 16 times you said you were too sore
• 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
• 19 times you had to get up early
• 9 times you said weren't in the mood
• 7 times you were sunburned
• 6 times you were watching the late show
• 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
• 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
• 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

• 6 times you just laid there
• 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
• 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
• 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
• 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused.

Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

• 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
• 36 times you did not come home at all
• 21 times you didn't cum
• 33 times you came too soon
• 19 times you went soft before you got in
• 38 times you worked too late
• 10 times you got cramps in your toes
• 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
• 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
• 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
• 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
• 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
• 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
• 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
• 98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

• The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
• I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
• The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.